How to Write a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide with Examples

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life that honors the person who died. It tells the people gathered who they were, what they loved and what they meant to the people around them. A good eulogy is not a full biography. It is a portrait, built from a few true stories, that helps everyone in the room remember the person together.

A eulogy can be given by a family member, a close friend, a colleague or a member of the clergy, and sometimes several people share the task, each speaking about a different part of the person's life.

How to write a eulogy in 8 steps

1. Check the details with the family and the officiant. Ask how long you should speak, where in the service the eulogy falls and whether anyone else is speaking, so you do not repeat the same stories.
2. Gather memories. Talk to family members and friends, look through photos, letters and messages, and write down every story, phrase and habit that comes up, without judging them yet.
3. Find the theme. Look for the thread that runs through the stories: their generosity, their stubbornness, their humor, their faith, their love of the outdoors. One clear theme makes a eulogy easy to follow.
4. Choose two or three stories. Pick the moments that show the theme best. Specific details, like the song they always whistled or the way they answered the phone, say more than general praise.
5. Write a simple outline. Use the structure below: an opening, a short life story, the stories that show who they were, what they meant to others and a closing.
6. Write the first draft in your own voice. Write the way you speak. Short sentences are easier to read aloud, especially when emotions run high.
7. Read it aloud and trim it. Time yourself, cut anything that drags and make sure every story earns its place.
8. Prepare a clean copy. Print it in a large font with wide spacing, number the pages and mark places to pause and breathe.

Questions to help you get started

If you are staring at a blank page, answer a few of these questions in a notebook or a voice memo. The answers usually contain the stories you need.

• What did they do on an ordinary Saturday?
• What phrase or saying will you always hear in their voice?
• What were they proud of, and what made them laugh?
• What did they teach you, on purpose or by example?
• Who did they help, quietly, without being asked?
• What would they want people to remember about them, and what would make them roll their eyes?
• What is one moment with them you would relive if you could?

You will not use every answer. Circle the ones that make you smile or catch your breath; those are the ones that will move the room.

A simple eulogy structure

• Opening: introduce yourself and your relationship to them, and say one sentence that captures who they were.
• Their life in brief: where they grew up, their family, their work and the big milestones, in a few sentences, not a timeline.
• Who they were: two or three stories that show their character and the theme you chose.
• What they meant: how they changed the people around them, and what they taught you.
• Closing: a final thought, a short reading or a direct goodbye.

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies last between three and seven minutes, which is roughly 400 to 1,000 written words when read at a calm pace. If several people are speaking, keep yours closer to three minutes. If you are the only speaker, you can go a little longer, but most people find that a shorter, focused eulogy is more powerful than a long one.

How to start a eulogy: example openings

These examples are starting points; replace the details with your own.

• "My name is Sarah, and I was lucky enough to be Linda's daughter for forty-two years. If you knew my mom, you know she never let anyone leave her kitchen hungry, and I think that says everything about her."
• "Good morning. I'm Tom, Frank's oldest grandson. Grandpa taught me to fish, to change a tire and to always shake a man's hand while looking him in the eye. Today I want to tell you a few stories about the man behind those lessons."
• "I met Maria on our first day of college, when she knocked on my door to borrow a stapler and stayed for three hours. That was thirty years ago, and she has been my best friend ever since."

Eulogy examples for a mother, father, grandparent or friend

For a mother: focus on what she gave to others, the small rituals of your childhood and the values she passed on. A story about one ordinary day often says more than a list of her achievements.

For a father: talk about what he taught you, how he showed his love, even if he was not a man of many words, and the moments you understood him as an adult.

For a grandparent: share their history, the world they grew up in and the family they built, along with the special things they did only with their grandchildren.

For a friend: tell the stories only friends know, the adventures, the inside jokes and the times they showed up for you, and speak for the friends who cannot.

How to end a eulogy: example closings

• "Mom, thank you for every meal, every phone call and every time you believed in me before I believed in myself. We will keep setting a place for you at the table."
• "Grandpa, the fish are safe now. We love you, and we will see you down the road."
• "Maria, you made every room brighter. I will miss you every day, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the friend you were to me."

Can you use humor in a eulogy?

Yes, and many families welcome it. A funny story about the person, told with love, gives people permission to laugh, and laughter is part of remembering someone fully. Keep humor kind, avoid embarrassing stories about anyone in the room and balance it with moments of reflection.

What not to include

• Family conflicts, old grudges or anything that could hurt someone who is grieving.
• Graphic details about the illness or the death.
• Inside jokes that most of the room will not understand without explanation.
• A long list of dates and jobs; a few highlights are enough.

Readings and poems to include

A short reading can be a beautiful way to open or close. Popular choices include Psalm 23, the passage from Ecclesiastes 3 that begins "To every thing there is a season", Henry Scott Holland's "Death Is Nothing at All", Mary Elizabeth Frye's "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep" and Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar". Choose one that the person loved or that fits their faith.

Tips for delivering a eulogy

• Practice reading it aloud several times, ideally to someone you trust.
• Bring a printed copy, even if you plan to speak from memory.
• Speak slowly, look up between sentences and pause after the important lines.
• Keep water and tissues nearby, and give yourself permission to stop and breathe.
• Ask someone to be ready to finish reading for you if you cannot continue. Everyone in the room will understand.

Eulogy vs. obituary

An obituary is a written notice, usually published in a newspaper or online, that announces the death and lists key facts: dates, family members and service details. A eulogy is spoken at the service and is more personal: it tells stories and shares feelings rather than facts.

Songs and other tributes

Music is often part of the service, before or after the eulogy. For ideas, see our funeral songs, celebration of life songs and memorial slideshow songs. If you are writing a card rather than speaking, our condolence messages can help you find the words, and for a Catholic Mass, see our Catholic funeral readings.

A song that tells their story

Some families choose to have a song written about their loved one: their name, the places they loved and the stories you would tell in a eulogy, set to music and played at the service or shared afterward. It becomes a keepsake the family can listen to for years.

How to create a memorial song

1. Choose a style from 14 genres: acoustic, country, classical and more.
2. Add their name.
3. Share three memories or details about them.
4. Review the lyrics and edit or regenerate them for free before any music is made.
5. Listen to 4 free 45-second previews and choose your favorite.

The full 3 to 4 minute song costs $35.99, or $40.99 for Premium with four full versions and editable lyrics. You get the MP3, a gift page and the lyrics as a PDF.

Honor their story in music: create a memorial song and hear four previews for free.